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Not even cool fights, a Spinning Bird Kick, Neal McDonough, or Moon Bloodgood's sublime bod is enough to make this cinematic pile of excrement worth your $10.

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Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Review by Matthew Anderson

Theatrical Screening

Company: 20th Century Fox

Action/Adventure Movie

Running Time: 1 hours 40 MIN

Rating: PG-13 (Violence, some sexual situations)

EXTERNAL EXAM

Chun-Li is a woman on a mission.

After the death of her mother and the kidnapping of her father by the underworld, Chun-Li has traveled to Bangkok. She is there to find Gen, a master of the martial arts and protector of the innocent. He may also know the whereabouts of crime lord Bison, head of the mysterious and brutal Shadowloo organization.

Interpol agent Chris Nash has also arrived in Bangkok, hot on the trail of the ever elusive Bison. Along with Bangkok detective Maya Sunee, the two of them discover that someone else is also after Bison, and she has some amazing skills.

Bison, is not worried about any of them. His plans to take over Shadowloo are almost complete, he only has one final thing to take care of.

Now, all Chun-Li has to do is team up with Gen, avoid Nash and the police, find her father, and defeat Bison.

The legend of Chun-Li begins now.

FINAL EXAM

Most of us Street Fighter fans have long given up on there ever being anything as good as Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie. It had the right blend of action and drama....okay, it was mostly 2 hours of ass kicking and finishing moves. Still, it was way better than the horrendous "Street Fighter" live action film with Jean Claude Van Damn (a Belgian as an American Colonel?). Granted, the late Raul Julia and his awsome one liners made it almost bearable, but in a word, it stunk.

So, when the announcement of "The Legend of Chun-Li" came out, I was mildly interested. When I heard that Kristen Kruek of "Smallville" was going to play the titular heroine, I was more interested. Then when the rest of the cast was announced (Taboo as Vega??), my interest turned into excitement in the hope that some decent actors (including the highly under utilized Neal McDonough) would bring this Street Fighter movie to the level of the animated one.

I should know by now never to get my hopes up that high. Because the crash I felt after watching this movie was worse than coming of Percocet after throwing out my back.

This movie is awful. Let me re-state that. This movie is bloody awful. The writing is a hackneyed collection of every cliché ever put in a revenge flick. The acting, with the exception of Neal McDonough, is either over dramatic, or overwhelming under dramatic (Chris Klein, I'm pointing my finger at you). It's slow, the fight sequences are painfully short, and Bison doesn't have any Psycho Power...again.

There is plenty of blame to spread around. First is the script of Justin Marks. With only 4 other scripts to his name (according to IMDB.com), he is a rookie, and it shows. The dialogue is laughable and cliché ridden (You think it's over? No, I'm just getting started), the plot is simple, and the characters are just as two-dimensional as the source material. You could have cut out half the characters, and the movie would have moved along just fine, perhaps better.

Next is the director, Andrzej Bartkowiak. It seems he has not been able to get rid of the spirit of the Stephen Segal turkey "No Exit". Having helmed the painfully dull "Doom" and the pathetic Jet Li vehicle "Romeo Must Die", I really should have expected nothing less than his very craptasic. Granted, he has been lumbered by some of the worst scripts ever put to pen, but surely he should let his actors act. In all his films, it feels he is actively insuring that none, and I do mean none, of the actors are able to let their "natural" talent ooze forth. They are stiff, boring, and look as if they are eagerly hoping for opportunities to show some gravitas, instead of spewing forth petulant, canned responses.

Course, we can't blame it all on the writer and director (although I do), the cast bears some responsibility. Chris Klein, who has never been a great actor, is totally unconvincing as a driven cop, trying to bring down the evil Bison. He seems more like a 12 year old in a grown-ups body, too busy ogling Maya Sunee's hot bod instead of going after the bad guy. Where is the promising talent from "Election"?

Speaking of Maya Sunee, Moon Bloodgood is a goddess, to be sure, but due to Bartowiak's iron will, her acting is very common. She is almost flirtatious, almost tough as nails, but never quite goes far enough either way. Out of all the actors, she is the only one I truly feel want to do more than what she has been relegated to, fan-service. Her character is flat out pointless, and unnecessary. It's a shame.

Worst of all is the heroine, Chun-Li, played by the talented Kristen Kruek. There is a reason everyone loves her on Smallville, she can play smart, sexy, innocent and bad, sometimes all within one episode, and you believe it. Sadly, with a bad script, lack of positive direction, and the rather crammed cast, I don't believe a single moment of her on screen. Her anger seems moody, her drive to succeed is less than whole hearted, and when she is sad, she looks like she is about to sneeze. Some legend.

The rest of the cast pretty much suffers the same fate as our heroine, under-usage. Neal McDonough at least is able to manage sinister for Bison, Michael Clark Duncan achieves...nothing for Balrog, but being a big son of a bi----, and Robin Shou is barely there.

Just when you thought I had nothing positive to say about the movie, you would be wrong...almost. The action is awesome, what there is of it. Dion Lam is a damn fine action director. Who would have though that Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas could kick so much ass? Having worked on tons of Hong Kong auctioneers, both in front and behind, Lam's fights are beautiful, smooth, and incorporates some of the cool movies from the game (including the infamous "Spinning Bird Kick"). The problem is (you were waiting for it) is that the fights are too short. I mean, most don't last for more than 3 minutes. There is no epic, ass kicking fights of which there will be only one man standing (like the game Street Fighter). There is only a hap-hazard collection of mini fights, that look great, but are over just as soon as they start.

Again, it's all Bartkowiak's fault. Like his actors, he under-utilizes the stunt director. It's a "Street Fighter" movie for Gods sake, where is all the action?

Now, as a "Street Fighter" movie, you expect them to go one of two ways; total video game mayhem (Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie), or butt kicking based in reality (Bison's anti-grav boots in "Street Fighter" not withstanding). Once again, "The Legend of Chun-Li" never goes one way or the other. Chun-Li and Gen aparently have "Hado-ken" abilities, but Bison doesn't have any psycho power? Balrog uses a gun but not his Dashing Straight or Dashing Upper? Nash doesn't do any martial arts at all? ARRRGH!

For the faithful (the only people who should NOT watch this movie), there are plenty of fan-service moments. Chun-Li does one (and only one) "Spinning Bird Kick" and a couple of Hyakuretsu kyaku's. She puts her hair in her signature "buns" for a few minutes, and she at least...well that's it actually. We have Balrog, Bison, Nash (a little known character from Street Fighter Zero), and Vega, complete with blades and mask. While Kristen Kruek's natural good looks are toned down, Moon Bloodgood's assets are there for all to see. She is a goddess, in her tight pants, sexy bra, and kinky nature. There is an almost (emphasis on the almost) decent lesbian seduction between Chun-Li and some Shadowloo hench woman, and...well that's it.

"Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li" is flat out waste of time. Not even cool fights, a Spinning Bird Kick, Neal McDonough, or Moon Bloodgood's sublime bod is enough to make this cinematic pile of excrement worth your $10. Send a message to both director Bartkowiak and writer Marks: stop making movies, together or separate!

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