THE WINNERS!

FIRST PLACE: YUA BOXSET  ONE AND A NATSUMI CELL "SIX FEET UNDER" Since I'm a film student, I am often on location getting footage a film project.  In Los Angeles, where I live and study, even film students need a county permit to film on location. Permits are not a major expense, if you are producing a professional, commercial film, but if you a film student with a shooting budget consisting of a bag of Twinkies and last week’s lunch money, permits are expensive.  Very expensive.  So most film students, myself included, normally make a location shoot a top secret mission. I put together a valiant crew of four friends and my Cousin as Gofer and set off for a local cemetery in the dead of night to get footage for my student epic blood-thriller. When the cop car cruised the cemetery front gate for the third time, I knew we were in trouble. Every cop in LA county knows that you can't film with out a permit.  They also know that film students don’t have the money to spend on luxuries, like permits.  Film students have probably maxed out their Visa just to get raw stock for the shoot.  So cops delight in harassing film students, mostly looking for a bribe of some kind.  Sometimes it’s few bucks which is cheaper than the permit or the fine for filming without one.   From time to time he’s always wanted to direct, so you end up with an unwelcome, annoying executive producer in blue.  When all else fails, donuts can be helpful, especially if they are jelly or crème filled. On the fourth circuit past the gate, he stops, shuts his cruiser down, and walks up the curving path to our shoot with the swagger and strut that comes from years of dressing up every day in heavy leather accessories and toting a huge pistol with real bullets. I grab a couple of Krispy Kremes and scurry off to meet him halfway. "What's going on here son?" He asks, looking suspiciously over at the Marcy, our star.  You can tell she’s the star because she’s the one in the tight white blouse liberally soaked with fake blood. “Student film, officer.  This is my midterm project.”  If he’s impressed, he’s hiding it like a pro.  “Want to watch for a while?"  I let him catch a peek at the inside of donut box. The next ten silent seconds were, how can put this, awkward? The cop eyed my bakery goodies, trying to seem unimpressed and disinterested. "You know, you can't film here with out a permit," he said bluntly, taking me by surprise.  The last thing I expected was a direct, frontal attack. "Oh, err, you see, since I'm just a film student ...”  Brilliant.  Why didn’t I just throw myself on the ground, grab him around the knees, and beg him not to sell me to the sex-crazed gypsies. He broke the tense silence.  "What kind of film is it?"  the cop interrupted with a grunt. "Oh, well it's a psycho thriller.  The girl in the white blouse ..." "I've always wanted to be in a movie."  He interrupted again. "Oh, well, we’ve got our cast.  I don't really have, umm, a role open, the script is very simple, to keep..." I was struggling. "I have a gun" the cop pointed out. "I'm sure a gun could be a good prop, or something" "Well, umm, you see, a gun is really too broad a symbol for the mood we are creating.  We are going for a more abstract line of tension …”  I was in trouble and the cop knew it.  He gave me the “look.”  You didn’t need to be a Fellini fan to see that my options were clear:  create a role for the cop or just pack up and start figuring how many burgers I would have to flip to pay the fine. Suddenly, the gun, and the cop became central to my vision of what this film was trying to communicate.  Psycho-thriller with cop flashback.  Cop with gun flashback. We wrapped it up about four hours later.  The cop gave me his card so I could send him a print of his big break in Indy film.  There were two versions of “Death in Lomita.”  One version had a cop with a gun that was mailed off to the address on the card.  The other version was a bit less commercial, about 90 seconds shorter, and had no cop and no gun. Win-win. In case your wondering, I got an A. -- Eric Weiner

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SECOND PLACE: YUA BOXSET ONE "FEMININE HYGIENE" I was with my sister (she was driving), her boyfriend, and my girlfriend, and we were going to the monthly anime club show at the Harvill building at the University of Arizona, doing about 70 mph in a 45 zone. Anyway, this motorcycle cop (notorious in Tucson for being really tough on speeders) pulls us over and does the whole routine.  You know, "Do you know how fast you were going, young lady?" "Can I see your license and registration?" etc.  Instead of answering his questions or reaching into the glove-box for the registration, my sister proceeds to say "Oh my god, officer, do you know where there is a grocery store or a 7-11 close to here, because I just got my period and I need to get a maxi before I ruin my pants or my seat."  At this point the officer actually starts to blush, and he lowers his eyes for a second, then gives us directions to Safeway.  In Arizona, 25mph above the speed limit and over is a criminal offense, and he could have taken her to jail right then and there, but because the police officer was embarrassed by feminine hygiene, she got off scott free. That is not even the best part of the story.  I was talking to Cliff (my sister's boyfriend) later, and he told me that she had conned the police 4 other times that he knew of with the same story.  If that isn't "girl-power," I don't know what is. Hope you enjoyed the story Shawn

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THIRD PLACE: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST VOL 1 "THE BRIBE" Once, I was late for work. Being that I drive a rather inconspicuous economy car and had never ever been pulled over for speeding (even though I'm constantly doing so) I figured that I could go 85 (I don't know if my car can actually go faster than that...) on the 60 mph highway and get away with it. But I was, you guessed it, WRONG. A police cruiser comes up from behind with its sirens blaring and lights flashing. I pull over to the shoulder. The officer asks me for my license and registration. Flustered and a little scared, I hand him my whole wallet and went into my glove box to get the registration. As soon as I turn back to the window, the officer hands me back my wallet and says that he'll let me off with a warning. He goes back to his car and pulls away. I look inside the wallet. The $50 bill I had was gone! I had unwittingly bribed a police officer to get out of a speeding ticket. JAMES LEHR

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FOURTH PLACE: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST VOL 1 "NO HURRY HARBOR MASTER" Bob Crawford was the local harbormaster and one of the local town police department motorcycle cop. One morning he caught me rushing for I was late for work. "License and registration he said after he parked his huge Harley Davidson Police special. There he was, black leather jacket, engineer boots, pearl white helmet, huge sidearm and the dark glasses. I tried. "Good morning, Officer Crawford." I handed him my papers. He was the same policeman that came to my elementary school years ago and is a legend. He walked back to the motorcycle. People on their way to work saw the blue rotating light and me pulled over. Some beeped at Bob, some at me. Very embarrassing. Bob never missed anything. He came back to the car. He took the dreaded ticket book out from the side pocket in the striped baggy pants. He leaned down and said, "You were exceeding the posted speed limit." "Ayah, I overslept. Late for work. I'm in a hurry." Bob said, "wait here". And so we waited while loads of cars slowed down, grateful that they were not caught. After twenty minutes Bob walked back. "Still in a hurry?" Now I was really late and probably would get docked or fired. "Nope." Bob handed me my papers. He simply waited until my hurry had gone away. Bob Uliss

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FIFTH PLACE WINNER!  "KWEE'S ENGLISH" I am of Chinese descent, born and raised in England, and currently living in America. Throughout my decades of living in both countries, there is one way of getting out of speeding ticket that I found to be very effective. After the officer pulls up to my car, I simply roll the window down, flash the silliest grin possible, and stare right at the officer, waiting for him to talk. Once he starts talking, I keep the grin on, and nod my head several times. The trick is not to actually answer any questions, but keep answering with 'yes' or head nods. Usually, most officers get the idea that you don't know what it is they're talking about and just let you go, but there were some stubborn ones out there where I had to go the extra mile and say "No English," with the best fake Chinese accent I could muster. Most cops are too busy to bother with people they can't communicate with. This trick had got me out of a dozen speeding tickets. There was only one occasion where it didn't work. But to do this, you have to have the nerve of steel and the straightest face possible. If you're not believable, they won't let you go. JOSEPH KWEE

SMALL PRINT: ©All information protected by DVD Vision Japan copyright unless otherwise noted. While AnimEigo is sponsoring this contest, they are not running it, so don't complain to them if you don't win.  The prizes (except the cell) can be purchased from their website if you really want one.  All stories become the property of DVD Vision Japan and/or AnimEigo.

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